Trent Gillaspie

I know it has been a while since my last post, but I have certainly grown busier with work and finally trying to reintroduce hobbies into my life. That being said, I think there is one thing to learn from the real world and that is when work gets busy, stay involved with it, make time for yourself, but don’t necessarily feel obligated to keep everything you regularly do in line. Is that a poor excuse for not having posted anything in the past 7 years? Potentially. Is that the best I have for an update? Certainly.

While work can sometimes seem to take over our lives, it’s important to understand the work-life balance. My friend, Ben, so eloquently put, “You either have to have a job doing what you love to do, or have a job that allows you to do what you want to do.” That means, if you love to wake up late in the morning and go out golfing every day along with work, then it is probably best for you to have a job that accommodates the schedule of what you love. I have rarely heard a statement that profound, but you must look at the statement closely and realize where your priorities stand in your life and if you are continuing to do that which you love. Routine can be both bad and good. Often times, we find ourselves getting in the routine of our daily lives and finally being able to add in small things here and there to continuously add to the richness of our lives. That is what I am currently undertaking. I encourage everyone to reassess their lifestyle and daily routine and try something new. Hold on to your childish love for amusement, and find what you love to do. What’s the worst that can come from that?

I’ve heard from my manager to never use it, I’ve experienced the drag it can have on a relationship, I often overuse it, and Richard Hoover may say that it serves as a sign of weakness. The phrase is “I’m sorry.” 

I rarely realize how much I use the phrase until I make a set of mistakes and feel hopeless to try and get myself out of the rut it creates. I’ve addressed the overuse of the phrase by both parties in a previous relationship and it finally hit me when I told my manager the phrase one day and he instructed me to never use it, or if you have to, to choose wisely. This refers to interactions with clients especially, but also internally in any organization, team, or relationship. It doesn’t necessarily show a sign of weakness, and even thought it has an air of sympathy about it, actions will often speak louder than words. Just correcting the problem, how you deal with the situation, and the way you handle the next time your placed in a similar scenario all very accuratley reflect the lessons learned from your mistakes.

And along the line of mistakes, we all make a ton of them. Some more than others. And more often than not, I’ve felt like I make countless mistakes that I feel an obligation to correct. The important thing is that it is in the past. The mistake is not only a mistake, but a lesson. We are all to familiar with the way our parents and teachers teach us that a mistake is a lesson the first time you do it, and the second time you do it, it is a mistake. I agree entirely, even though I refuse to let the phrase, “I’m sorry” be released from my vocabulary. It’s important to let the parties involved with your mistake know that you learned from the mistake, but again, actions are a great way to repair nearly any sticky situation. Plus, designers and problem solvers often make plenty of mistakes early on in the development process in order to get the final product as accurate as possible to fulfill the functionality needed.

So, think through it first, make sure you’re prepared, don’t waste too much time, and get in there and make a few mistakes. I once heard of the event where a new hire had the opportunity to make a decision worth $100,000 to the company. While the decision she made was incorrect, when she went to her boss in tears and asking if she would be fired, her boss replied that there’s no way he would fire her because he just spent $100,000 on her education. If we learn from those mistakes, the best is yet to come. More mistakes, more education.

So, it’s Valentine’s Day, and all of those that are lost are out looking for love. It’s hard for many people to admit that they taken part in online dating, but you’d be extremely surprised how many of your co-workers, friends, superiors, and significant others (haha, you hope not) are involved in the online dating world in one way or another. We’ve all seen eHarmony’s doctors claim that they’re the best service, some people have heard of Match.com, and others use locality-based services. 

Well, I’ll be the first to come out and say it that, “I have done online dating.” Not only that, but my current girlfriend and I met through Match.com. In the words of Brian Regan, “[Match.com] work-ed for mey!” And you’d be surprised to learn, of all the girls I met online, not one of them was sketchy, turned out to be a man, or happened to be someone looking to kill innocent 20-something men. In fact, look at the most beautiful girl I know that is evidently blind enough to fall for me a few months ago. I couldn’t be happier.

We both found a ton of success on Match, even before each other. So I decided, I would share my story with you, as well as the tips I have for those of you looking to try online dating. I was successful enough with it that I found a method that really helped me to get the most out of it.

1. Just do it.

          Enough with thinking your friends may make fun of you or the idea that online dating is only for people that can’t find dates elsewhere. Just get online and get a trial with a website that seems to fit into what you’re looking for. You’ll be surprised how quickly the trial pulls you in. Your friends may make fun of you later, but you’ll be happy and they’re probably single, or not looking for as awesome of a relationship as you have. Most people I talk to about it are impressed that it actually worked. Then they meet my girlfriend. Then they join Match.com in an attempt to find the same.

2. Hunt for the Perfect Profile

          Setup some VERY basic parts of your profile and then start browsing some profiles of people of the same sex. What this does is it allows you to see what the opposite sex is seeing and really point out what you DO and DON’T want to have in your profile, along with the goods you can take from a few great profiles to get people to A.) Take you seriously, and B.) Really want to go on a date with you. If you have a friend who has had success, check out their profile for some examples.

3. Give them some Visuals

          Upload some current photos, but a variety of headshot, distance photos, etc. YES you’ll be surprised to meet a girl or two that doesn’t look like they do in their photos. Congratulations, welcome to the real world. Being honest in your photos allows the person to not be like, “WOAH NOW! I DID NOT WANT TO MEET YOU LOOKING LIKE THIS!” when they meet you. You probably shouldn’t have your shirt off or your collar popped in any of your photos, unless that’s what your true self is. This goes for your profile as well. Just be honest. That will go a long way in the long run, as well as your initial meetings. If you’re a stalker, say it. Then you’ll find girls that are into stalkers. Game, set, and match. (Haha, thought of that joke afterwards. I’m lame.)

4. Size Up the Competition

          Go search for members of the same sex in your zip code. You’ll mostlikely be surprised to find out that you are probably the most qualified person in your area. This allows you to see what the members that are looking for people in your area see when looking for you and how you stand out against the competition.

5. Start Looking (Be Open)

          Be open with your searching criteria, and start searching your area for people that may be your match. You can start narrowing down as you move along, but don’t be too picky. It’s better to be able to be aggressive with your searching and dating for a week or two, because it will really help in the overall process. Sit back and let some of the emails roll in (if you’re a girl). If you’re a guy, you need to start being aggressive, as it took a conversation with one of my girl friends to figure out that I wasn’t the one getting pursued.

6. The Trent Gillaspie Method

          Here’s where my method comes in. Aside from finally having to use Google Calendar to schedule multiple dates on multiple nights, the method really allows you to work the system as quickly and effectively as possible. On Match.com, they have something called “wink”ing, which is the equivalent of “poke”ing on Facebook. Start doing this with the people you are interested in. Also, make a note of when you “wink” at them, as this will come in handy later. Wink at people you have general interest in, but it doesn’t have to look like the love of your life, and it doesn’t need to be that just since they’re in your zip code, you wink at them.

See if they respond back with a wink or email. If they do, follow up accordingly with an email to them, letting them know what in their profile caught your eye (doesn’t go over as well with a “You’re hot” etc. I’d advise looking at her interests and finding your similarities. Let her know that you’d like to get to know her better. If they don’t respond to your initial wink in a day or two, send them the same email mentioning why you are interested in them. Keep it simple and straightforward. Point out a few similarities, but don’t come off as aggressive.

When it comes to taking things offline, don’t make it a date. A lot of girls on Match.com, or similar sites, don’t want things going to fast. Plus, you don’t want to go spending all your money overboard the first time. Setup a meeting (coffee shop, somewhere that she’ll feel comfortable, or even let her pick… nothing extravagant and nothing where no people are around because she might be creeped out). At the meeting, just make sure it’s casual for both of you, and if things happen to be good at the end of the night, it’s your discretion to take it further, but I suggest getting their number if you simply want to keep in touch, and even ask them out on an official date.  Be aggressive with it though. I met 5 girls in one week because I put time and effort into it and wanted to find a girl I wanted to call my girlfriend and fall madly head over heels with (which I’m doing now ). But the more time and effort you put into it, the more success you’ll find with it. The most important part is to remain honest through the entire process. If you do this and remain honest, things will work out best for both you and your significant other.

From my experience, I heard I was the most normal guy girls had met on there, and I’m not the aggressive type because it was important to me to be very honest, laid-back, and make them feel comfortable. It proved successful in all cases, and even though it took me a few girls to find the one that fit me best, I can say that things went well with all other girls that I met, and some friends even came out of it. It was mutually beneficial for all parties. If nothing else, you’ll meet a few really great people, and have some great dates. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find the feeling that I have, which is better than anything I can describe .

The most important things are to have an accurate profile in terms of pictures and content. Make sure it’s complete, and be aggressive with any communications you receive. Get your name out there, but don’t come off like your anxious to get into some girl’s pants, because you shouldn’t be on a dating site if that’s the case. There are plenty of great sites for hookups, I’m sure. You might be able to meet a nice stalker on there as well.

I’ve had nothing but good luck, as you can see, and the people I’ve talked to have had a lot of awesome stories to share as well. Feel free to drop me any questions and any feedback and thoughts as well. I hope some of this was helpful or comforting and maybe even pushed you a bit towards giving it a shot. Go for it. The worst that can happen is getting out there and actually trying it. The best that can happen is my situation.

Happy hunting, and Happy Valentine’s Day!

<3

Trent

This isn’t so much something that I’ve learned, but it might serve as inspiration for those reading it, and sets in stone what I plan to do in the next year. A great article on the psychology behind New Year’s Resolutions (http://tinyurl.com/9chqez) talks about how 37% of resolutions involve starting up some type of exercising, 75% of people fail their first attempt at the resolution, and 67% of people make more than one resolution. I’m looking to do the former and the latter, without the middle .

My Resolutions for 2009

1. Break a sweat each day

2. Lose 10 pounds

3. Make my stand-up comedy debut in the public scene

4. Complete 5 of my 25×25 goals (as listed in a previous post)

The more goals you make, the more of a chance you have for success? Probably not, but now that I’ve got it written down, and they’re not TOO hard to do, let’s bring on 2009! Feel free to post your resolutions and share any thoughts you may have. 

Happy New Year’s Eve!